Word to the wise: when shit goes down, don’t get caught at the Best Buy.

MOVES

Whether you’re in the bedroom, the boardroom, or the karate dojo, new moves are important for victory.

KNOW THY SELF

A good t-shirt, but a better reverse forehead tattoo.

People consider this the height of vanity. But more optimistically, it is also the height of nostalgia.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done? Drink mammary excretions from an enslaved quadruped? I once accidentally spray-painted my eyeballs.

Soon we’ll be “living” entertainment media instead of just “playing” it a few hours a day. Interactions will be codified into archetypal language cues processed by devices to create genre appropriate interfacing for each user. Like midi, but for emotions. Imagine we have a conversation… I think I’m convincing a raccoon to hand over his delicious acorns. You think you’re talking to Ron Weasley about taxes. It’s an exciting time to be alive.

MICRO-BUGS

What kind of bugs ruin an ant/mosquito barbecue? These guys.

OFF-ROAD SOCCER

Playing sports on a field is old fashioned as having sex through a sheet.

CARTER SEQUENCE

“This is a pretty standard ‘later thirds’ move. Actually, most guys consider it cliche—they’d rather string a Fibinachi Triad or a Lesler. I like the dialogue, but honestly: don’t fuck with the classics, you know? Especially on the 4th.”